Memories from Paul

Mum was famous for her faux pas,. Her sister Vera,who us kids called Lou,
would always say “Oh Audrey”.
When going to Knockholt for the first time she asked for a ticket to Knockout much to the bemusement of the ticket clerk.

She once rang Allders of Croydon to order Balawallwhich was a form of lino that she wanted to put on the kitchen wall to decorate it.
She asked to be put through to the ‘WALL’ department but the receptionist put her through to the ‘knitting wool’ department. The sales lady asked her what she wanted and when Audrey said Balawall, the sales lady said “ I have n’t heard of that one, how much do you need” and Audrey said “Several yards”, to which the sales lady said “We only sell it in ounces”.
Then the sales lady asked “What do you want to do with it?”, and Audrey replied “Stick it on the wall”.
At this point the sales lady collapsed in fits of laughter and turned to her colleague and said “I’ve got a lady here that wants to stick it on the wall!”
Eventually the sales lady realised that Audrey had been put through to the wrong department. I bet she dined out on that for months.

When I was young, Mum was upset with me for breaking her 78 record of ‘On the Square’ a march played at the Trooping of  the Colour.  I often looked in record shops to replace it, but with no success. Today we are all going to listen to it together and think of you.